Are you trying to make me go straight bananas?! You bettah quit with your resplendent Japanese import fabric before I make some stylish pillows! Fool! Don’t make me drive to Santa Cruz and get all up in your face about your first-class oil cloth selection. Because yes it is sensational and you know this to be true. I keep trying to bust my stash but you come at me with your new Michael Miller fall cottons like a player hater. I will make myself a Tina Turner Thunder Dome costume out of ball fringe and a lovely sateen cotton. I will put that store on notice and host a sewing circle for hardcore thugs. We will use the sewing scissors to cut paper, and we won’t even pre-wash our fabrics. Do you hear me, Hart’s?! I have a massive UFO pile, a dull rotary cutter and a sick desire to make MC Hammer pants for my grandma. I’m a sewing gangsta on the edge!